Crime Doesn't Pay (Apparently)

Little dog has been feeling very sorry for herself for the past few days. It may be because I took her to the Vets for her annual check up last week. Our Vet is a very nice man and Little dog being a complete tart started flirting outrageously with him. I think that he was flattered because he said that she was in very good condition for her age. Every thing was going well until he opened her mouth to check her teeth, then he recoiled in horror as he was struck by her very bad halitosis. She could obviously see the look of shock on his face and was deeply upset. No longer was she the belle of the ball, she was now the mad bag lady. To be fair to him he did say that it's not too bad (although he was holding her at arms length) and we've now sorted the problem out with some medication.

Little dog and me in happier times, before she embarked on her life of crime.

The other possible cause of her lethargy and the most likely, is that she has become a member of the criminal classes. On the evening of Friday last, she committed a burglary contrary to Sec 9 of the Theft Act 1968. That is she entered a building or part of a building as a trespasser and stole something. I'm probably stretching the law a little by accusing her of burglary as the part of our house that she trespassed in was our refrigerator, which strictly speaking isn't part of a building, it's a fridge. But she was definitely a trespasser therein, as we have strictly forbidden her entry to it. At the very least she is guilty of theft as she did take property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving them of it. In mitigation the door was left slightly ajar by Mrs C.

Her crime came to light shortly after it was committed when she walked into the living room coughing up something bright red. "Do something" cried Mrs C "She's coughing up blood"! I rushed to Little dog's aid and realised very quickly that the snotty crimson mess coming out of her mouth was actually the remains of a tomato. All that training at Hendon Police College paid off as I followed the trail of evidence back to the scene of the theft. They say that a criminal always returns to the scene of their crime, that was certainly true in this case, Little dog followed me to the fridge to see what else there was worth stealing.

Contemplating the consequences of her criminal behaviour.

I would like to think that Little dog was suffering pangs of guilt and a little touch of remorse for her actions. However I suspect that the most likely reason for her feeling upset is that the stolen item which she consumed at the time (trying to dispose of the evidence) was a smoked mackerel fillet. Not any mackerel fillet though, this one was covered in Peri-Peri spices. There were some rather loud and strange rumbling sounds coming from her stomach the following morning and she wasn't her usual bouncy self. This Springer had definitely lost her spring.

Having served her time in the House of Correction and done her porridge, Little dog has now been fully re-integrated back into polite society and is looking forward to her next adventure.